When Grief Has You In It's Grasp...

Revis Wrote It

Aug 15, 2020

3 min read

The number 222 has always been significant in my life. I like to think of it as my spirit guide sending me messages from the other side, guiding me in this journey of life. So imagine my dismay on 2/22 when I got a knock on the door with news that shook me to my core. News that I'm still trying to process even though, it's been several months now...

February 22, 2020 - My mother comes in my room covering her mouth. I could tell by the look on her face that something was terribly wrong but there were no words coming from her lips. She had my attention but she damn sure wasn't talking fast enough. I said "ma, what's wrong." She let out a loud wail, not a cry but something way more sorrowful than that, something even I could feel permeating through my bones. Something I had never heard from her in my 39 years of living. This wail made me sit up straight, stand at attention, focus and brace myself. I said "ma, what happened?" Still nothing....

My heart was beating a million miles a minute, a thousand thoughts ran through my mind, did something happen to my kids, their dad, my dad, what in theeeeeeeeeee world was going on?

Whatever it was, I knew I had to stay calm because she definitely was not. As she mustered up the words to tell me that my aunt was gone; the same aunt who also happens to be one of my most favorite people on this planet, I immediately felt that deep sense of sorrow as well. My auntie Frankie was always more like a sister than an aunt to me. I mean we had a ridiculous amount of fun cutting up at family functions, hanging out at the casino together or even just the occasional phone calls where we did nothing but laugh. However, I had no room to fall apart. I couldn't process my own feelings because I immediately thought about everyone else that this news would affect.

I asked her where my cousin was. She's a flight attendant so for all I know she could have been on a plane in another country, city or headed home. After all, this was her mom and if she didn't already know, I definitely didn't want her to find out in a place where she wasn't close to family.

So....... I called her, eyes watering, voice trembling and all. She answered and I could tell by her tone that she had not heard the news so I immediately pulled myself together and tried to play it cool. She told me that she was on her way home so I said "ok, call me when you get there." I threw on some clothes, hopped in the car and headed to her house so that I could beat her there. I didn't know how to break the news but I definitely knew that I didn't want her to be alone when she found out. However...deep down I knew that she knew something was wrong...

Fast forward to today and here we are. Still processing, still coping, still trying to understand. What happened to my aunt? Don't know! Could it have been Covid-19? Possibly...This corona crisis happened very shortly after her funeral so who knows....Nevertheless, we've had some time to deal with her passing, friends have paid their respects, the funeral has come and gone, the dust has settled. But for those who loved her, that sting doesn't just go away. That lump in your throat and knot in your belly doesn't just dissipate. It shows up as grief at any given moment with any given trigger. The question is, what do you do when grief holds you in its grasp?

Somebody Told Me You Just Stand... Song Sang At Her Funeral By: Thomas Davis

https://youtu.be/e_h9vNl34q4