What's Love Got To Do With It - Part 1

I stumbled on this photograph. It kinda made me laugh. It took me way back, back down memory lane…

He was kind. I was mean. He was calm. I was always poppin off at the mouth. He was affectionate. I was not. Like no seriously, don’t touch me and don’t be trying to hold my hand in public. That never mattered to him though and it never stopped him either. That’s the irony in this picture. “The wedding kiss” or at least, that’s what we called it.

He would always ask me, “so what are you gonna do when we have to kiss at our wedding?” I didn’t know, so I would say, let’s practice. This just happens to be one of those practice shots. We were at the mall and hopped in this photobooth. The wedding kiss had to be good but not gross, enough but not too much. I mean afterall, there would be a ton of people watching.

We had it all planned out but no matter how many times we did this, inevitably we would bust out laughing each and every time. We knew it was silly. We had our entire lives ahead of us to prepare for this hypothetical wedding….or so we thought. Nevertheless that didn’t stop us from talking about it every day our whole 4 years of college…..and this kiss, this kiss in this moment was everything.

I never believed in love at first sight but he made a believer outta me ON SIGHT. We were friends, young and in love and he undoubtedly made me a better person. He was super smart but just rough enough around the edges to still intrigue me. Anybody who knows me knows….you gotta be a lil hood for me. He had a plan for our whole life by day 2 and I was happy to go along with the plan. I learned then that even strong women have no problem following a man who knows how to lead.

Fast forward to our last year, last semester of undergrad. He was going to medical school and I just wanted to finish school. Coulda cared less about a major so the “breeze through life” lassez faire me simply went for a degree in something I was good at, JOURNALISM. All I wanted to do was be this free spirit and figure out life along the way as long as I was gonna be doing it with him. Chemistry classes, biology, pre med and all of the years of schooling he had left to do, I was happy to leave the hard stuff in his hands. He was made for it. Me...not so much!

3 and half years down, 6 months to go before graduation and one devestating day that changed everything.

I was working at a call center. My cell phone had been off all day so when I turned it on, I didn’t know why I had 50 million messages, voicemails, etc. I didn’t know who to call back first but I knew something had happened.

We had plans that day when I got off work so I called him first, no answer. Then I called my old college roommate who was a mutual friend of ours. She answered the phone in tears and hysterical. All she kept saying was “he’s gone.” And I’m like…ummm “gone where?” Death never crossed my mind until it did. I dropped the phone, burst into tears, ran to the bathroom while everybody in the call center slowly popped up from their desks, like “what the hell is wrong with her.” He had died in a car wreck.

I fell on the bathroom floor and stayed there. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think straight. I was devastated. My boss had to come in the bathroom, literally pick me up from the floor, take me to the car and get someone to take me home. I was done. I stayed in the bed for a week in total disbelief until the day of his funeral.

Death often creeps in like a thief in the night, it steals your joy, snatches your laughter, kills your smile. It took me a minute to get all that back. Graduating college at 21, buying my first house at 23, making 6 figures by 24 with no kids and hardly any responsibility, traveling the world, you would think that it would take away the sting of his death. It didn’t.

It allowed me to make some really good decisions early in life, have some pretty awesome experiences but that sting was here to stay. Until one day, I made a decision that changed everything. I LITERALLY woke up and decided to be happy. I told myself that I didn't want to be sad anymore no matter WTF was going on in life. I didn’t wanna cry anymore. I didn’t want to skate through life not “feeling anything” anymore so I stopped cold turkey! Now don't get me wrong, I did A LOT of drinking and partying to numb the pain before that but even that got old. If I wanted to feel something different, I had to do something different. It all started with one decision. That decision created a ripple effect….I got my joy back and along with it came peace, laughter, smiles and everything in between.

I had long talks with God about this whole journey of love and asked if he’s still making this BREED OF MAN. It’s 2021 Lord…..Ion know no mo……these nig%AZ these days!!

Wayment....nevermind, I hear Luther SANGING ( not singing) “wait for love and you're gonna get....” Y'all know how the song goes. Anyway I’m still waiting on that answer but in the meantime, I’m forever grateful for the blueprint.

People wonder why I laugh so much. I think laughter is the best medicine, it’s a gift from God and had to be his way of restoring me. You have to understand that for years after his death…nothing was funny to me. When you see me smiling, just know that I fought for that smile. When you see me laughing, I count it all joy. I leave no words left unsaid and I ALLOW myself to feel everything, FULLY, WHOLLY AND BOLDLY! If there’s a certain glow in me, it’s because I know love and love knows me.

So yeah…stumbling on this photograph definitely made me laugh, it took me wayyyyyy back, back down memory lane.

Playlist

• Lovers Rock - Sade (We used to play this whole album on repeat)

• Wait For Love - Luther Vandross

• Back Down Memory Lane - Minnie Riperton