She Was The "Real" Thing...

Revis Wrote It

Jul 25, 2020

5 min read

Updated: Sep 19, 2020

If grief has taught me anything about its grasp it's to hold on to God's unchanging hand. To stand on the word, the memories and an everlasting love. Demetrius Hutchins gave my aunt's eulogy. It felt fitting that he would be the person to deliver the last words. After all, he grew up playing with my cousins and living right next door to my aunt for over 18 years so he knew my family very well. If ever there were a message to speak to my soul, it was definitely this one.

His Sermon: "SHE WAS THE REAL THING"

When I think about Frankie, I can't help but love the person she was. You have to understand something about her and that is....NO MATTER WHO YOU WERE, your name was "Suga." She was never gonna switch it up to fit your mold. She wasn't a pretender so there wasn't anything fake about her. If she could lend a hand to help you, she would do it. She carried a certain joy with her in spite of her own internal battles. On any given day, at any given time, in any given setting, she was always the real thing.

I was inspired to start this blog when my aunt passed because it's been something that I've wanted to do for a while now. To be honest, I don't know why it's taken me so long. Writing is not just something that I do, it's who I am. Sitting at that funeral made me realize that time waits for no one. When your name is called in the book of life, what will you have done with your time here on earth? I asked myself that very question; what will you have written and better yet, what will be written about you?

I was reminded that life is full of SWIFT TRANSITIONS. Everything that you hold dear and anything you know to be true can literally change in the blink of an eye. Got something to say, you better say it. Got something you wanna do, go do it because you can't take tomorrow for granted. So here's to letting it all hang out...finally blowing the dust off of the gazillion journals locked away with a million stories to tell.

The problem is, I knew that I had to be ready to tell these stories with an authentic voice. I knew that it had to be in my own time. I knew that it had to be in my own way. Cause the truth is NOBODY CARES UNTIL YOU WIN!!! For the last decade, I've worked behind the scenes in the entertainment industry. I see FAKE EVERYTHING from body parts to personalities. So I knew in my heart of hearts that if I was gon do it, I had to be the "real thing." I had to dismantle my belief system and redefine what a win really looks like. That's why I'm here, that's why you're here. Even in the midst of 2020's madness, it's still winning season!

My aunt's funeral forced me to write. I volunteered to write her obituary because I wanted to take some of the burden off of my cousin. However, it forced me to dig deep and find words that could hold her in the highest regard possible. It forced me to articulate a thought, a story, an emotion, a memory and all of the things that made her life worth living.

I prefer sweats is not just about comfortable clothes, it's about being comfortable IN YOUR OWN skin, authenticity, spirit work and being EXACTLY who you were called to be. It's about not letting the world or social media or social norms define or redesign who GOD created you to be. The one thing I learned in all of this is that my aunts life was a true testament to who she was. I'm eternally grateful for that blueprint and to have had a front row seat. She made it easy for me to go into this world and say that I'm alright with me.

(In my Erykah Badu voice), said I'm alrightttttt withhhh meeee, allllrrriggghhhttt with me, yeah...

Cousin Love...

Things I'm Grateful For Even In The Midst of This Storm

All of my cousins in this picture who made it a point to be there and pay their respects + Alyssa & Reggie (who were there but missed the pic)
Demetrius Hutchins for the anointing on your life, for delivering my aunt's eulogy in a way that I knew only you could and for answering my call at the MOST inconvenient time. I'm pretty sure I interrupted your honey moon but you still showed up when my family needed you. Thank you...
My friend Nakeysha who helped me get the obituary template together even though she had to work and didn't really have time to finish it, she did what she could cause you ain't EVER got to tell a REAL ONE how to be one! Thank you for being a friend...
My friend Jep (that I met while working on The Underground Railroad production) saw me falling apart at a copy machine and and told me "ya know it's ok to cry" and you know you're not gonna finish this obituary so I'll just do it for you. And he did it with a smile no matter how many changes I made.
My aunt Vanessa who sang a final song for Frankie!
My little cousin Jalencia (below in the pink dress). She's hilarious and I'm so glad we got to chat cause she definitely brightened my day. Your dad and grandma are resting in paradise and even though we'll miss them both, you are a ray of sunshine..
Tamaya whose a real friend to my cousin Shannen (my aunt's daughter) because she showed up even when she didn't have to, even when she told her not to, she still drove hours to be by her side, just because...
Nell (my aunt's sister in law) who spoke about her and made the whole church laugh during the funeral in only a way that Nell could.
My aunt's friend Diane (who's more like family) who sat on the porch and DJ'ed the whole night after the funeral cause YES, it turned into a real celebration of life (first song, These Last $2) Grateful for everybody who came to celebrate!
My uncle E and uncle D'boy cutting a rug even in the midst of our sadness (funniest thing ever - see pics below)
Got to see my cousin Cindy, James, uncle Johnny, Gail, it's been a while, it's gotta be on happier occasions next go round though...
My dad showed up, didn't expect him to come, grateful that he did, your presence always makes me happy
My baby daddy showed up with a million things his mama sent, didn't expect him to come either & I'm grateful for him and my kids grandma, Helen.
My true friends who check in on me cause they understand....Just because I carry the load, doesn't mean it ain't heavy
Marika for letting my kids have a sleepover while I went out of town. They didn't want to be sad and were border line scared of the thought of a funeral (this would have been the first one they attended so I didn't make them go)
My uncle Roy for being one of the realest I've ever met. I mean he loved my auntie to the core without question. I don't think they make em like this anymore.
To everyone who sent flowers, condolences, kind words or was there to lend a helping hand, we are forever grateful.